A Professional Redraws My Map on the Search

Five days after my last post I had an appointment that would change my life. I don't necessarily mean this in the grandiose way that one usually means such a statement, but I mean it literally: it changed every single day of my existence since then, very often framed the course a day would take and has brought me, personally, to a brand new place in my health, in my path toward better health and has altered my search for sustenance dramatically. The appointment I had was the first one with my nutritionist.

I had always wanted to go to a nutritionist, but I consistently talked myself out of it (especially since my insurance didn't always cover the people I was interested in seeing). I figured that there was enough information out in the world about what the "right" foods are for us that seeking professional advice in this part of my life was both superfluous and financially wasteful. And yet, nearly every single year of my life I would come back around to this thought, "I should go see a nutritionist..." but never would. Then, last Spring I got the most terrifying sickness of my life, more terrifying than my Crohn's disease diagnosis and it absolutely dwarfed my Pseudotumor Cerebri in terms of scaring me to my core - from April 22, 2010 through May 22, 2010 I battled Antibiotic Associated Colitis, more commonly known as "C. Diff." I wish this on NO ONE and I pray that it never happens to me again. The sheer terror of it came from the fact that I knew, since I was not in the hospital and, therefore, not even hooked up to an IV, I was completely malnourished. I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. I was terrified to eat.

When I finally recovered I was still terrified to eat. It took three different treatments to make the C. Diff. finally go away and my doctor said I may get it again. After a discussion like this I knew it was finally time to seek professional help in terms of my consumption. I made an appointment to see a nutritionist I had long wanted to see that came highly recommended by many coworkers.

As I got ready for the upcoming appointment I became more and more excited wondering what she would say, what she would find and what she would suggest. I knew a number of other people over the years that had gone to her and had come out with extreme diet restrictions; I was ready for whatever she wanted to take away, but I had one food in my corner to determine whether or not she a complete fraud: gluten.

Nearly every person I had spoken to that had seen this women suddenly had gluten sensitivities or allergies. I was beginning to wonder as I spoke to more and more people leading up to my appointment if this was her panacea for all patients. I discussed my concerns with my husband, "I'll do whatever she says, but if she even tries to take gluten away from me I am going to have a ton of questions!" He agreed with me (so sweet when I am ranting) knowing that gluten foods like white bread are my "safety" and "go-to" foods when I am having a flare up from IBS or, now Crohn's. In fact, when I had C. Diff. the only things I would even try to eat were gluten-filled foods! I knew my body - this woman couldn't try her little gluten trick on me!

The doctor is homeopathic and uses kinesiology, not blood tests or anything, so it is an interesting examination and one that I could also feel safe questioning in the end(if the need arises), unlike cold hard science. After examining me, the doctor and her assistant concluded that my body

• was completely toxic (that was not surprising considering the cocktail of drugs I had to take each  day),
• had minimal evidence of any vitamins in my system (some were missing completely), 
• showed a sensitivity to dairy as I had suspected, but more than anything
• had an extreme sensitivity to GLUTEN

I think I actually laughed when she said this. She actually went on to explain that the gluten wasn't only affecting my digestive system, but also my head (What?! I was thinking she would say ANYTHING to get me off this gluten!). Since I had a sensitivity to it my body was creating histamines on overdrive every time I ate it and that could be leading to some of my congestion issues (Wait... what? She was starting to break me down with this argument now). I waited politely for her to say, as all good doctors do, "Do you have any questions?" when I responded, "Yeah. Just one..." and went on my diatribe about gluten and how bread has been saving me from severe stomach attacks. I have to admit, my argument was not as impassioned as I had planned after all of her justifications, but I still didn't understand how it could have been helping me if, according to her judgement, it was actually the cause of my problems. Then she said something that made so much sense I wanted to cry, she said, "Maybe it has been acting like a band-aid for you - stopping the attack temporarily, but ultimately just hiding the bigger problem until it comes back." I was done arguing. I would try it. Maybe she was right, and if she was - how much time I wasted unintentionally hurting myself... what a heartbreak!

The last step to my appointment was to sit with the assistant to go over what I could and could not eat and to get a menu of ideas that could work for me. I did not feel intimidated by the undertaking of a gluten-free, dairy-free diet especially since we had started eating a lot more fresh veggies and examining what we were eating anyway. However, when I sat down to discuss the food I discovered how much gluten I actually consumed in a day. The assistant asked me to go through a normal day's food. I was originally only worried about dinner (NO MORE PASTA!!), but I quickly learned I was a gluten-addict!

• Typical breakfast on a work day: A bowl of cereal -- GONE: gluten & dairy!!
• Typical lunch on a work day: A Subway sandwich (so happy that Subway came to our school!!) -- GONE: super gluten!!
• Typical dinner: I can avoid it, but I do love pasta... "I am half Italian-American!" (I actually said this to her as if this should somehow grant me some magical powers.)

After that, the assistant exhaled and brought out my cheat-sheets; one for dairy-free eating, one for gluten free eating and the last for just plain-old healthy eating. They have all been extremely educational.

DAIRY-FREE DOC:

This has been extremely helpful. I was very surprised to find dairy as a hidden ingredient in so many things! I am a complete nut when it comes to reading food labels now - WHAT a headache.

GLUTEN-FREE DOC:

I found myself having to do more research about gluten at home, but at least this was a starting point. 

HEALTHY EATING:

I think most of us know these, but it is nice to have them all in one place, in our faces as a constant reminder. Knowing them and FOLLOWING them are two entirely different things.

In the end, I was thoroughly surprised by my results at the nutritionist. It has been four months and nothing has changed - no new restrictions and none of my restrictions lifted: I am living gluten and dairy free and it has changed my life! I do feel much better, I have lost even more weight (which I needed to, so don't worry that I am wasting away) and because I have to look closely at what I am eating I now look closely at everything I eat. I don't cheat because I don't have to and, more than anything I don't want to. I know I probably won't get C. Diff. if I have one piece of pizza, but I believe my body is still healing and some day, hopefully soon, I would like to invite a little one to live in there for nine months - I have to spruce the place up!

The Food Experience

I've been blogging a lot about food - the buying of food, the cooking of food, the research of food and the finding of really good food, but what of the truest of all things that come to mind when we think of food - what about the consumption of food? The actual act of eating the food? Have I lost sight of what this is all about?

The simple answer is: no. It is simply that I believe that for most of us this is where our focus has always been, leaving us nearly blind to all of the other facets of food. It was my feeling when I began this blog that I did not need to worry about the consumption portion of the conversation, because that was something that I simply had already mastered and understood so completely - there was no need for any reflection. I was wrong.

I had an epiphany of taste today and it came from, if you can even believe this, an English muffin.

Let me back up for a moment to contextualize this conversation before I go any further. I have been home sick since last Thursday as a result of one of the worst Ileitis/Crohn's disease flare ups I have ever experienced. I have been a slave to the ever so bland "BRAT diet" (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast) for five days running. I have, in my kitchen, waiting for me (and so far still safe to consume since being purchased Tuesday night): organic potatoes, a head of cauliflower, fresh asparagus, baby spinach, red tomatoes and, lord help me, they look amazing - fresh red strawberries... but I can eat none of them. I can eat only the BRAT. Needless to say, I ran out of BRAT supplies quickly, so, yesterday, after coming out of the hospital with a discharge letter saying: eat BRAT and see your GI ASAP, my husband took me over to the supermarket to get more BRAT stuff. As I was grabbing a loaf of white bread, I had a stroke of inspiration - English Muffins are just like toast, so I grabbed them. Which leads us back to today...

The English Muffin Moment - A True Food Experience

Thomas' English muffins are not organic, they are not fresh, and I did not, unfortunately pick them up at a local bakery or market straight from the baker's hands... I bought them at King Kullen. Their list of ingredients is also not something I would shout from the rooftops as an exemplar of the untainted foods I am on a quest to find to nourish myself with on this "Search for Sustenance" I have set forth upon. However, today, this morning. no one could convince me of the virtues of any other food stuff outweighing that of my luscious english muffin.

I woke with, yet again, an unsettled stomach - waging war upon itself over issues no soldier in the battle could even remember - and feeling as though I had been beaten before my day even began, stumbled into the kitchen. When I entered I noticed my husband had left out the toaster for me, a glimmer of hope for a day filled with small serendipity. I clambered to the cabinet, grasped the familiar orange and white box set inside a clear plastic bag and fumbled for a muffin. After forking the muffin in two, I placed each piece (one always smaller than the other!) into the toaster slots and waited.

When they popped, I was already taken a-back at the beauty of my English muffin. I thought about taking a picture of the toasted masterpiece because it looked just like the commercial. I almost grabbed my phone to take a picture, but my stomach lurched and I knew not to break the cardinal rule of English muffin consumption - eat while still warm! I put a hint of butter on each muffin half, stacked them on top of each other to contain the heat and melt the butter and brought the muffins back to bed (I never do this, but my tummy was making the rules).

I sat down, put the covers back over me and closed my eyes. I wanted to get through eating the muffin without any stomach interruptions...

With my eyes closed, I bit down and my other senses took over. I could smell the warm muffin with the hint of butter as it passed under my nose to my lips. I could feel every nook and cranny gently scrape the roof of my mouth as the grains on the bottom of the muffin half rolled along my tongue. I could hear every crunch and crackle as the nooks and crannies burst in my mouth to reveal their soft inner, un-toasted, yet still warm, muffin yumminess. And I could TASTE , of course I could taste! - the butter, the muffin, the toasted outer parts, the warm insides - so DELICIOUS. And with every bite I repeated the same ritual.

I found myself chewing longer just to savor the experience, listening closely, recognizing that even sound plays a part in the true food experience! It was fantastic, it was wonderful, it was sustenance not only for my stomach, but for my soul and my sanity. I had been going mad with blandness and limitations - sure that I could never, in fact, get better without sustenance.

The whole experience called to mind a book I picked up some months before I started losing my vision called The Flavor Bible. It was one of those books that I planned to read over a long course of time, perusing here and there as the mood strikes, instead of reading by brute force cover to cover. Well, I recall, in the beginning of the book, the authors began to discuss the many levels and aspects of taste - calling in all of the senses and even emotion/sentimentality. I am paraphrasing because I, of course, do not have the book in front of me, but I imagine that if you have the opportunity to flip through this book or decide to buy it (I think it might be worth it!), you might see the true validity and possibility in the mundane English Muffin becoming quite so spectacular for me today.

I challenge you to have an epiphany of taste. Eat quietly, eat purposefully and enjoy the experience. Yes, we need food to live, but let's really think about that we need food to LIVE. What if the food experience defines our living - not just by what we eat but also by how we eat it? This is something to think about when we are rushing in a breakfast or lunch while juggling all types of life things around at the same time! This is definitely something to think about when eating dinner in front of a television or over a pile of work...

Well, if nothing else (I am really sorry, I can not avoid this pun), it is food for thought.